COMPOUND

But this shit was just too stupid to pass up. So if you find cursing offensive, you might want to sit this blog post out. I made cookies, they are in the back of the room.

So for those of you staying, here’s the video I will be ranting about in the first edition of what I like to call:

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

The title is a work in progress, but you get the point.

Right. So, let’s get the few things that are wrong with this music video out in the open before i delve into what pisses me off about this.

First, what happen to all your cheetah girl money? I realize that the cheetah girls was a pretty shitty program and idea but i mean, some kids watched it right? It was on for a while. That aside, you could have gotten some better equipment to do this video? I mean i realize the song is shitty, but since when has a shitty song stopped people from using quality instruments to film?

Secondly, i still can’t get over your face. Like, you have Alicia Key’s teeth inside of 50 Cent’s mouth like….i don’t get it. I mean you can’t help that, that’s mean…that’s inappropriate, i recant that statement.

Let’s move on to what I really want to talk about. Ok, so I get it you come out of that whole Disney clean cut, step ford wives kinda of place and like many stars before you you want to prove you are an adult and have your own mind but instead of talking about shit that makes sense you decide to tell the whole world you;re a slut by singing about a one night stand.

First off, i don’t believe in the idea of casual sex. If someone wants to do that, that’s cool just don’t expect me to give you a high five or give a shit about your story or care about when you find out you have herpes or something. I don’t care. Same goes for your drunk stories.

If you find yourself getting “wasted” nightly, don’t expect me to be surprised or give two shits when you come to me and say “OMG I WAS SOOOOOO FUCKED UP LAST NIGHT.” Uh huh? and i took a shower last night what else is in the norm.

Second, if you are going to write an adult song, learn to write. This isn’t Disney, you can’t put a bunch of stupid, blatant words together to a beat and expect it to not only be good, but sell. If you’re going to write a song about great sex, put some emotion into it. Make the lyrics a little less obvious.  Put some creativity into it. Anyone can write this shit:

“Last I remember I was face down

Ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off
Even though I’m not sure of his name
He could get it again if he wanted
Cause the sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular (yeaaah)
The sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular”

Are youuuuu fucking kidding me?

Second, let’s talk about your dancing. You need to do better. Watching you try to dance sexy was like watching someone with Parkinson’s try to open a soda without spraying themselves. Not gonna happen.

You’re too robotic and you look like one of those kids on youtube who’s parents taught them how to “booty pop” at the age of 5 because it’s cute and so they decide to film it when the kid obviously has no idea what they are doing. You look like one of those kids who grew up and decided to become a singer.

I’m not saying this to be mean but you have to realize if you want to go anywhere in the music industry you have to have a certain level of familiarity with a level of something unique. You want to sing about casual sex and getting drunk, sure whatever your prerogative but at least be skillful about it.

At least be like Lady Gaga and reinvent the genre you are in. Half of the shit Lady Gaga sings doesn’t make sense at first and you have to really listen, but in the mean time she’s fun to look at because she’s entertaining and she takes herself seriously (but not too seriously). You obviously don’t take yourself seriously enough.

I’mma need you to do better. Get out of that Disney mindset or go back to Disney because watching this video made me feel like Chris Hansen was waiting outside my door. All sorts of wrong. How old are you? Act your age. Really. All that nonsense you are singing about? that’s teenage shit. Or maybe I’m just a young, old at heart person. IDK. Either way, your song and video is stupid.

Filed under General Fuckery.